"What were your past ambitions or dreams?"
To be better than the rusting Jeep in the front of the moulding garage as I stand on two legs and realize that I can hold my own, just enough to pass an application check that says “Glory glory, hallelujah, you are just enough to buy your own pie in the sky, a room of your own with a bit of space and time,” and all I can think of is the idea of having a place where I could just fold the sheets down without wondering if I’d be cleaning up his mess or having to pretend that I am anything less than a quiet person who likes to retire and live in my head for more than a while, so please please please just let me prove my worth by not depending on the charity of the people who contributed to my birth, maybe perhaps possibly so?
"What are your current ambitions or dreams?"
My chest must be pried apart each day with the Jaws of God, which looks an awful lot like the promise that when I am allowed to leave work each day I can seal the deal by swerving into the great ravine and tumbling my car down the crick and I will never be put together again by anything less than the hands of Jesus, who will then smooth my brow and place me in Purgatory because I am mostly just an idiot with no self-preservation instinct. By God, the most I can ever hope for is that the straight jacket along my lungs will release its grasp and I will just be able to enjoy the rhythmic lilt of waking up each morning and taking one big, deep breath that sings of nothing more than existence.
The initial segment in The Psychodynamic Sequence, Depersonalization as Escape Behavior is an atmospheric, looped sound environment that depicts an approximation of one's first step into a therapeutic experience. With altered mental awareness pamphlets that reflect the perspective of the reluctant patient paired with a narration of the bizarre reality that is filling out the New Patient Survey, Depersonalization as Escape Behavior is designed to place the audience in that mental space: a confession to an illness as if it were a sin, a moral failing.